What are some funny and smart quotes?

My sister Tracy sent me these a little while ago. I thought I’d share them. Thanks Trace.

Few people had funnier or smarter quotes than Cliff Clavin from the TV show, Cheers.

“Ah just like all women. If they’re not turning down your proposal of marriage, they”re accusing you of suspicious behavior in the lingerie changing room.”

Is it possible that my TF caused a kundalini awakening in another person? He is famous because He is a singer. We have not met physically yet, but I have gone through kundalini awakening and DNOTS and their ongoing. I have also had soul recognition so I know for sure that He is my Divine Counterpart and I do not have any doubts about it. But it is indeed perplexing that somebody had an awakening at the physical level because of Him. Is it a test for me? I have a mixture of feelings. On one hand I marvelled at Him and empathised with the person and on the other, I doubt if this just a test for me. I would appreciate your pov. Thank you for much.

“A Freudian slip is when you say one thing when you’re really thinking about a mother.”

“There is no rule against postal workers dating women. It just works out that way.”

“It’s a little known fact that the tan became popular in the Bronze Age.”

What made you feel satisfied about your life today?

They did a study between postal workers and chimpanze...

“The human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Too much alcohol kills brain cells, especially the slower, weaker ones. So, regular consumption of beer eliminates the slower brain cells after you’ve had a few beers which will speed up your brain.”

“Everyone in the Swiss Army owns a Swiss Army knife. That’s why no one messes with Switzerland.”

What is your craziest/worst Halloween story?

“It’s a little known fact that pigs are the smartest animal. Scientists say that if pigs had thumbs and a language that they could be trained to do manual labor. They give you 20 to 30 years of loyal service and then at their retirement dinner, you can eat them.”